Someone brings up a memory, and I smile and nod.
I match their energy. If they’re laughing, I’m laughing. If they get that soft, nostalgic look, I get it too. Then I steer the conversation toward something I actually remember, as fast as I can.
Most of the time it works. But every now and then I’m nodding along and they say, “That was not a good thing.” And I’m standing there, mid-nod, realizing I’ve been faking it the whole time.
I have been obsessed with The Big Bang Theory since it first started, and I still rewatch reruns an unhealthy amount of time. But anyways, there is a scene where Raj is on a date with Emily, who’s deaf, and Howard is interpreting for them in sign language. Howard gets distracted by his phone, so when Raj asks what she’s saying, Howard tells him it’s a cute story about a puppy. Just smile and nod. Then Howard looks up, and suddenly it’s sad face. The puppy died.
That’s me. I’m Raj, smiling through the puppy story. Except my Howard is my own brain, and it checked out years ago.