It Counts.

If something exceeded your nervous system’s capacity and changed how you live, it counts. The body counted it. That’s the whole qualifying mechanism. No external authority (DSM, Aunt Sally, Instagram worthy wellness industry guru, or cultural conversation) gets a vote.

This newsletter is for the woman who’s been holding it together so long she forgot what putting it down feels like. The one who looks fine on the outside and is running on fumes on the inside. The one who’s been told her suffering wasn’t enough, wasn’t bad enough, wasn’t trauma enough to count.

If your body counted it. It counts. End of debate.

About me

Howdy! I’m Lauren Tobey. I’m the author of Spiraling Into Control and the host of The Spiral podcast. After two major identity crises, I found a pattern. Then I went to school to make sure I was onto something. (Spoiler: turns out I was.)

I built a framework called the Spiral — the actual cyclical structure your nervous system moves through when it’s been carrying too much for too long. It has four states. The first one is called Ashes. If you’ve ever sat on your back porch in the dark not remembering how you got there, you know it. The other three we’ll meet along the way.

I write here because I am tired of watching the wellness industry get it wrong, slap a new font on it, and resell it as a $497 miracle course to women in actual nervous system collapse. Plus, there are things that didn’t fit in the first book, questions I’m thinking through, ideas I’m working out for what comes next, and just simple conversations I want to have with the people whose nervous systems are tired of being told they’re fine.

I live in Texas with my husband Scott, son Damian, daughter Madison, and the three dogs who truly run the palace.